I have been sitting with Lamentations 3:22-24 for over a month now. Every time I think I am ready to move on from it, Father reveals something else to me…. Another whisper from His heart to mine.
There were many times in the past six years that I have tried to have control over a situation, an outcome, a pregnancy test, being chosen to adopt a baby, and if I am really being honest with myself, even times I have tried to have control over Father himself.
There have been an equal number– if not more, times that I have laid my heart bare in absolute surrender, as tears have fallen freely and unencumbered, crying out in desperation and heartbreak to a Father, who at the time, felt silent and distant. When my heart would settle, my coping mechanism of control would creep back in and I would try to rationalize, figure out, control the next steps so I could move forward.
Last week, with the help of my Garden sisters, I realized that all of this – the rationalizing, the figuring out, the need to understand every little detail of everything I had walked through – was just me trying to take control from Father, instead of truly surrendering to Him.
I’m sure I am not the only one battling with control – but I do want to share what Father is whispering to me about it, right now. Control is a lie that we have come to believe from the enemy. The lie is that Father isn’t actually able to work it out for our good, that He isn’t actually able to redeem and restore, that He isn’t a good, good, Father with great faithfulness toward us. We may not even realize that we believe this lie because it is buried so deep, under so many things. Holy Spirit showed me that for me, the root of the control was anxiety, insecurity, and the feeling that I was just not good enough, smart enough, pure enough and devoted enough–which is a battle I have fought my whole life!
Sweet sister, if you are feeling this too, recognize it for the lie it is. This battle for control, rooted in insecurity and anxiety, is a lie from the enemy – a tool he is using to separate us from the truth of not just who Father says we are, but who Father, Himself, is.
Today, capture that lie – repent for believing it – dig deep and ask Father to expose every area where you have believed – and then with a renewed heart, set your eyes on Him. Great is His faithfulness – to me, and to you. We don’t need to do anything but surrender and rest in His goodness, love, and faithfulness.
-Sarah Beth S.