I used to find satisfaction and even my identity in the things I could do for God. I thought it pleased Him to have my calendar booked and no spare moments in my day, because I was working so hard to prove to Him my love and affection. Except living like that isn’t sustainable, and after I finished one thing, I would try harder for the next. It wasn’t enough to have a ministry, a podcast, business, and successful blog. I always felt like a hamster running around on a wheel, chasing my Father’s approval.
Until He asked me to shut it all down, step back from ministry, stop blogging, quit the podcast, and leave social media for a season. What I realized as I sat with my pain and nothing to offer Him, He never wanted those things anyway. He just wanted me. I was only made to know Him and be known by Him. That’s all He wants from me.
For the first time in my life, I don’t have any plans. I don’t know what He has for me around the bend, and to a degree, I don’t really care. I just know I want Him. And whatever I end up “doing” in this next season will come first out of my being with Him.
Yesterday I had a vision of Jesus and me sitting in a large, open field. We weren’t talking, we were just being together. It was almost as if our presence became the conversation. Without words He told me, “Just being with me transforms your heart.”
His presence is intoxicating. I can’t get enough of Him. Being with Him, even when we have nothing to say, captivates and satisfies my heart like nothing this world could ever offer. The more time I spend in His presence, the fragrance of His oil is found in my life. And without knowing, that oil begins to leave traces on everything I touch, releasing an aroma for others to know Him too.
You have nothing to prove today. It doesn’t take much to please Him. Just sit in His presence, slow down, linger for a while, even if you have nothing to say. Just being with Him will transform your heart and leave you wanting to come back for more.
-Jessica S.